Car broke down. Seen enough Man vs Wild to survive. 20mins later when the tow truck showed up I was drinking urine out of a poodle’s skull.
Inside Out 2:
The girl enters puberty.
Her emotions get out of control.
She goes Goth.
Sadness murders the other emotions in their sleep
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I don’t know what’s more embarrassing, accidentally sending nudes to your boss or getting a pay decrease as a result of your nudes.
please bring me a bottle of your freshest wine no more of this cheap old stuff
I’m tired of conventional beauty standards that say I can’t wear a ski mask in a bank
TV is so unrealistic. Friends drop by unannounced and people are happy to see them
Her: Do you have any hobbies?
*flashback to placing dismembered body parts into jars filled with formaldehyde
Me: I make my own preserves.
If a cheesecake has fruit on it, is it ok to eat for breakfast?
Asking for me.
another day another dollar?
where’d you find a dollar?
Took away all my son’s electronic privileges, and now he’s so bored he’s given me 35 hugs.
May take them away tomorrow too.