If Sesame Street really cared about children they’d realize Big Bird could feed a hungry family for a month.
INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.
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Interviewer: Do you have any questions?
Me: Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off the bus?
Interviewer: Holy shit
Me: what should I do?
Dentist: stop eating sugar, drinking coffee and wine, cut back on stress..
Me: right but like realistically
COP 1: any drugs or alcohol in the car?
COP 2: told you he was a nerd
ME: nuh uh I have so much drugs
COP 1: lol gotcha
When this was first painted, the wolves were much further in the background. I would sell it before they reach the frame
You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can cry when the girl you used to babysit gets engaged before you do.
“& what are your strengths.”
Me: I’ll take [lion walks by the office] I- [quietly] I’ll take on any lion
CW: I like your scarf.
Me: Thanks, it’s a CVS receipt. I didn’t know what else to do with it.
Xylophonist Shredding It
Anakin: Want to go out?
Padmé: Ew. You’re 9.
Padmé: Talk to me in a decade when the age gap between us is exactly the same.