Lady GaGa is easily the scariest of all the Muppets.
Instead of sending friends Christmas cards, is it ok If I return the ones I got and just add the words “Me too”?
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That awkward moment when u lock binoculars with your neighbor.
Parents, make your children study or they will end up on twitter trying to sell you something
April Fool’s Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared.
Anybody want to buy some exercise equipment? I’m having a going-out-of-fitness sale.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
My trainer told me to listen to my body. So now I’m in bed eating a cheeseburger.
A dating app that matches up the only-eats-the-icing people with the only-eats-the-cake people
Before handing your wallet and wife’s necklace over to that angry gunman, pause to consider how sweet it would be if your son became Batman.
My Pops told me that you can’t go around trying to save everyone. They have to save themselves. He was a terrible lifeguard.