angel: they’re making great progress with the vaccine
god: murder hornets
god: murder hornets everywhere
angel: why god
god: 2020 mf
“Where were you on the night of the 5th?”
“Louder for the tape?”
“Healing pugs. I’m a pug vet.”
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I knew my Mom meant business when she started yelling words I didn’t know existed.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? His body decomposed.
i’m undressing you with my ey… oh god, no no no i’m redressing you.
No, YOU heard a sad song on your headphones and cried while on the treadmill at your neighborhood gym.
[After losing a rap battle]
“How did he get a hold of my credit score?”
sorry password must contain a special character
Accidentally took a second muscle relaxant and I haven’t felt this calm since I was in the womb and my Mom was smoking and drinking.
Men over 35 are terrible at sharing their momma’s secret recipe for her most requested dish.
And now we wait.