“Where were you on the night of the 5th?”
“Dealing drugs.”
“Louder for the tape?”
[leans in]
“Healing pugs. I’m a pug vet.”

You Might Also Like


angel: they’re making great progress with the vaccine

god: murder hornets

angel: what

god: murder hornets everywhere

angel: why god

god: 2020 mf


Growing up,
I knew my Mom meant business when she started yelling words I didn’t know existed.


Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? His body decomposed.


i’m undressing you with my ey… oh god, no no no i’m redressing you.


No, YOU heard a sad song on your headphones and cried while on the treadmill at your neighborhood gym.


Enter password:


sorry password must contain a special character



Accidentally took a second muscle relaxant and I haven’t felt this calm since I was in the womb and my Mom was smoking and drinking.


Men over 35 are terrible at sharing their momma’s secret recipe for her most requested dish.

And now we wait.