@david8hughes

[interrogation]
“Where were you on the night of the 5th?”
“Dealing drugs.”
“Louder for the tape?”
[leans in]
“Healing pugs. I’m a pug vet.”

You Might Also Like

@pilau

angel: they’re making great progress with the vaccine

god: murder hornets

angel: what

god: murder hornets everywhere

angel: why god

god: 2020 mf

@GoldenSpirals

Growing up,
I knew my Mom meant business when she started yelling words I didn’t know existed.

@BitchyJasmine

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? His body decomposed.

@thom_the_jew

i’m undressing you with my ey… oh god, no no no i’m redressing you.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

No, YOU heard a sad song on your headphones and cried while on the treadmill at your neighborhood gym.

@Rollmaninoz

Enter password:

“ScoobyDoo”

sorry password must contain a special character

ScoobydooFeaturingBatman

@MomofTeen

Accidentally took a second muscle relaxant and I haven’t felt this calm since I was in the womb and my Mom was smoking and drinking.

@RisingxxPhoenix

Men over 35 are terrible at sharing their momma’s secret recipe for her most requested dish.

And now we wait.