BEE 1: You get 1 chance to sting someone, so make sure they’re a threat.
BEE 2: Well that guy’s over there walking.
BEE 1: He’s doing WHAT
Interviewer: “Describe a time when you broke the rules.”
Me [from my wheelchair]: “I was at a restaurant and the waiter asked me to wait to be seated.”
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me: hEY leave that little guy alone
As a kid one Christmas Eve I set out dog biscuits instead of cookies and it turned out Santa was not a jolly old elf. Not. At. All.
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[wife frantically searching the house]
Have you seen the kids, I’ve looked everywhere
[me napping on couch]
OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS