Brain: We got this!!
Body: Yeah, no we don’t
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: With adjectives.
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Interviewer: no, I meant any applicable skills?
Me: *still making goldfish lip kisses
It should cost $87 to leave someone a voicemail.
If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people.
mike wazowski: *rubs lamp*
genie: *emerging* what’s your first wish?
mike wazowski: i want revenge on pixar for giving me one eye
genie: *looks at the lamp*
lamp: *jumps on the pixar’s i*
genie: i for an eye 🙂
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I’d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
They should put a statue of me next to the Statue of Liberty so immigrants know the American Dream is hit or miss.
One person gets an idiom wrong and it spreads like wildflower
I’m into the “girl next door” type. Until the restraining order takes effect and I have to move.
Then I’m into the “cute, angry girl that’s always 50ft away from me” type.
kinda sucks that there’s only one day a year it’s acceptable to put on a diaper and shoot arrows at people