INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us
ME: yes…why do i want this job
INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]

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Don’t judge if you don’t know me. Unless you’re making my pizza & you say “This guy looks like he wants extra cheese” then please do.


A facebook friend posted, “I’m not ashamed of Jesus.” It took every single ounce of my willpower not to reply, “Uh oh. What did he do now?”


The next time my husband asks me where something in the house is, I’m turning it into a scavenger hunt.


The husband wants me to stay on twitter more because I can’t buy shoes here.


I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how they cut their sandwich.
Diagonal = normal
Straight = serial killer
No cut = dad


Instagram before the foods goes in, Twitter when the food goes out.


I added someone as a friend 2 years ago but they haven’t responded. They must be really busy.