*Kylo Ren pranks calls Finn*
Hey Finn I bet you shop at
*High fives Hux*
Interviewer: What would you like to get out of this job?
Me: As many free office supplies as possible.
You Might Also Like
Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I’m forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.
If your dress suddenly turns into rags at midnight while you’re being driven home by a bunch of mice on a pumpkin, you’re not Cinderella, you’re drunk.
My neighbor put up like $3,000 worth of Christmas lights but I showed him by putting out a nativity scene with like 20 baby Jesuses
I made fun of a lady swaddling her dog in a blanket and she overheard and turns out it wasn’t a dog it was her baby hey have a great Monday.
The directions on every jar of anti-aging cream should read: “Apply liberally to face & neck 20 years ago.”
Mobster: [tying a cinder block to my ankles] “You’re gonna be sleeping with the fishes…”
Me: “Umm, it’s ‘fish’.”
M: “This. This is why.”
They are making gluten free communion wafers now. I guess you eat them because they represent the beach-body of Christ.
My horoscope was so wrong today I’m beginning to doubt the science behind this life planning tool.
Fact: The best tuna fish salad recipe is the combination of ingredients that best covers up the taste of the tuna.