[Hoth Rebel Base]
Leia: How’s Skywalker?
Han: He was nearly frozen when I found him.
Leia: And, now?
INTERVIEWER: What would you say are your st—
ME: Strengths? Making inferences from minimal data.
INTERVIEWER: Okay. And your we—
ME: Wheat allergies? None whatsoever.
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I’m an author when I write and I’m an actor when I lie, but I don’t get paid for either so my bio says accountant.
346 character anecdote
MURDERER: *while murdering me* I feel like you’re not taking this seriously.
ME: *eating a Belgian waffle* Wut?
Thinking about setting up Costco sample stations around the house to keep the kids busy and fed
Satan was all alone with Eve, NAKED, at the forbidden tree and all he did was to convince her to eat a fruit? GAY.
someone do this to my school
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V “Tuesday”
normalize being naked at the laundromat so u can wash ALL ur clothes
Rock bottom implies the existence of paper bottom and scissors bottom.