@WhaJoTalkinBout

Interviewer: When were you most satisfied at your last job?

Me: After lunch, next question.

Interviewer: When were you most satisfied at your last job?

Me: After lunch, next question.

- @WhaJoTalkinBout

You Might Also Like

@EwdatsGROSS

“YoU’Re nOt gOiNg tO gEt a jOb WiTh tHoSe tAtToOs”

First of all, bold of you to assume I’m employable without my tattoos

@PleaseBeGneiss

[restaurant]

RACCOON (in trench coat): one egg

WAITER: one egg? *suspicious* you’re not from around here, are you?

RACCOON: t-two eggs?

WAITER: ah yes, that’s a normal quantity of eggs

RACCOON: *excitedly* five eggs!

WAITER: *eyes narrow*

@darksidesith75

I had a colonoscopy on Friday. Just let me say there are some things you should never use a Groupon for.

@Kobykincaid

One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.

@PleaseBeGneiss

Me: one mcflurry please

Cashier: the machine is down

Me: awe then one for the machine too

@Darlainky

If your gym clothes don’t have sweat stains, I have just one question for you…..
…what detergent are you using?

@gagging

Michael Jackson breaks into WALMART. He only steals lotion. Turning to the security camera he whispers “smooth criminal” and moonwalks away

@fsuflores

An ice bucket challenge …

But for when teenagers don’t want to get out of bed and get ready for school.

@anylaurie16

7 yo son asked how Grandpa got lung cancer. I said, “Well, he quit a long time ago, but for many many years, Grandpa played Minecraft.”

@celticrose2312

I bought shampoo for “badly behaved” hair. So relieved my hair will finally stop robbing banks and terrorising old ladies.