I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible
Interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
Me: “That depends.”
Me: “If I get this job.”
Interviewer: “Alright then, let’s say you get this job.”
Me: “Great, no take backs!”
Interviewer: “Shit, no I me…ahh, you’re good, ok. You start tomorrow.”
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If you don’t think monkeys are adorable, then you can suck macaque.
Him: What’s your sign?
It’s Facebook’s 10th birthday today. Let’s all click “Maybe” on the event invite and then not show up.
The name’s Bond, James Bond. And you are?
One time I was trying to get a big game to run on an old computer but it didn’t have enough free memory so I compressed the hard drive, twice. That computer never worked again, in case you’re looking for an IT guy.
Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself.
Me: I’m unemployed.
I: How about something personal?
Me: Personally I need a job.
Coworker: GOOD MORNING!
Me: Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee
Coworker: But you don’t drink coffee