@sonictyrant
mugger: act cool and you wont get hurt
me: *two thumbs up* Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
mugger: you know what, here’s your wallet back
You Might Also Like
@sonictyrant
@E_Ville13
Nobody suspects that you’re digging a grave when you’re always working on your landscape.
@dafloydsta
Why my coworker hates me:
He sends meeting invite for 2pm.
I propose new time of 2:03.
He revises, sends update.
I decline meeting.
@Shwetangles
Hackers in movies think they’re so cool they can get any password in five mins flat. Well so can I. Just that it’s for my own accounts.
@weinerdog4life
I’m not allowed to use the credit card anymore, last month I bought 43 falcons
@AmyLee_W
HELLO I SEE THAT YOU SLIGHTLY TOUCHED YOUR MOUSE WOULD YOU LIKE TO UPDATE JAVA?
@STALLE0N
so i’m at the stock market right
@ozzyunc
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance: the five stages of watching them put lettuce on your sandwich at Subway.
@CrockettForReal
Dude came through my broken gate and told me he was a fencer. He seemed shocked when I stabbed him in the chest like, on guard, dude
@MomOnFire
*school is cancelled indefinitely*
My kids: Mom, why are you crying?