mugger: act cool and you wont get hurt
me: *two thumbs up* Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
mugger: you know what, here’s your wallet back
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Why my coworker hates me:
He sends meeting invite for 2pm.
I propose new time of 2:03.
He revises, sends update.
I decline meeting.
Hackers in movies think they’re so cool they can get any password in five mins flat. Well so can I. Just that it’s for my own accounts.
I’m not allowed to use the credit card anymore, last month I bought 43 falcons
HELLO I SEE THAT YOU SLIGHTLY TOUCHED YOUR MOUSE WOULD YOU LIKE TO UPDATE JAVA?
so i’m at the stock market right
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance: the five stages of watching them put lettuce on your sandwich at Subway.
Dude came through my broken gate and told me he was a fencer. He seemed shocked when I stabbed him in the chest like, on guard, dude
*school is cancelled indefinitely*
My kids: Mom, why are you crying?