“Tell me about a time you defied authority to achieve a goal.”

Me: no

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Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa.


Nothing sneaks up on you quite like the age where people give you a bird feeder as a gift.


Silence is golden. Unless they’re in the shower and you can’t find their phone.

In that case, silence is very very suspicious!


My family is starting to catch on to my “I died” excuse.


Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m the jerk.


Putting on mascara without opening my mouth is on my bucket list


(Disney Dating Tips)
1.Kidnap Dad
2.Coerce Daughter
3.Awkward music-filled dates
4.Angry mob danger
5.Stockholm Syndrome
-Beauty & the Beast


There’s no problem you can’t solve with a great night of dancing.

Except for a broken foot.

Then you should see a doctor.


An Italian engineer was kidnapped in Nigeria.
Demands were sent via email to his family, but they just got deleted as spam.


Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone
Bank Teller: So is this not a robbery?
Me: No, It is