@EJGomez

[introducing you to my family]
“this is my son Carson, my daughter Boatdaughter, & our dog Motorcyclepet”

[introducing you to my family]
“this is my son Carson, my daughter Boatdaughter, & our dog Motorcyclepet”

- @EJGomez

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Before gunpowder, entire wars were fought with nothing but pinecones and latent rage.

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B:It’s literally documenting everything we do

@markleggett

I often think “Why would anyone live in Gotham? It’s a shithole!”, but then you choose to live in the shithole that is [YOUR CITY NAME].

@carlyken

“I’m a social activist. No seriously. I just changed my profile picture to a rainbow.” -everyone on Facebook

@Bacon_Ball

You can tell a lot by the way a woman walks. Like if she walks away, she’s probably not into you.

@Darlainky

Buy living room furniture that matches your pet’s hair because, work smarter not harder.

@fsuflores

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But for when teenagers don’t want to get out of bed and get ready for school.

@dave_cactus

ME: Well, time to make like a tree, and leaf.
HER: *giggling* So, my place or…
ME: *starts sprouting leaves from my fingers*
HER: WHAT THE