@SuperTeeWhy
@mdob11
You brought me roses? I can’t eat this. Get out.
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@mdob11
@PinkCamoTO
There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook.
@RowdyBowden
We’re gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were “Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!”
@ShervinSinatra
Chicago sounds lovely.
@moose_chocolate
Girl, are you a homeless horse? Because you look unstable.
@MichaelRyanRuiz
Just weighed myself. I’d strongly advise against y’all doing that.
@TheAlexNevil
Most of being a parent means saying “Great!!” when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.
@ObscureGent
When I was younger I wished Hulk Hogan would be the president. Now that I’m older I wish Hulk Hogan would be the president.
@Mom_Overboard
Boyfriend: I love you more than I love cake
Me: aww you must really love cake
Ex-boyfriend: eh it’s alright I guess
@TheBoydP
It’s like my granddad used to say “If you have to ask the question, then you don’t know the answer.”