@SuperTeeWhy

[Inventing Cotton Candy]

What if insulation was delicious?

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@mdob11

You brought me roses? I can’t eat this. Get out.

@PinkCamoTO

There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook.

@RowdyBowden

We’re gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were “Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!”

@TheAlexNevil

Most of being a parent means saying “Great!!” when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.

@ObscureGent

When I was younger I wished Hulk Hogan would be the president. Now that I’m older I wish Hulk Hogan would be the president.

@Mom_Overboard

Boyfriend: I love you more than I love cake

Me: aww you must really love cake

Ex-boyfriend: eh it’s alright I guess

@TheBoydP

It’s like my granddad used to say “If you have to ask the question, then you don’t know the answer.”