Tie a sweater around your waist so you can pretend a short ghost is hugging you.
how can I suffer but with music
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I love people who IM me to tell me that they left a voice message to say that they sent me an email
Happy Mother’s Day to the woman who told me “I could fall out at home” when I asked for Fall Out Boy tickets at age 14
Craigslist: Meet your soulmate and lose a kidney all in one magical night.
(Hot babe to me) your brooding drives me wild, what’s going on inside your head
(Me, thinking about a panini) I don’t want to talk about it
Interviewer: Have you worked in a fertility clinic before?
[nervous because it’s my 1st interview]
Me: But I used to be an embryo
Shout out to all the animals that help Disney princesses get shit done.
Having a bummer day? Here’s an out of context Spider-man comic book scene that made me laugh.
“50 Cent for 2Pacs of Eminems!? That’s Ludacris!”