@bylinetd I must be getting old.
The haircut I need is in my nose.
@PleaseBeGneiss [invention of baseball]
Guy: I’ll throw the ball
Me: and I catch it
Guy: no hit it with a stick
Me: then what?
Guy: someone else will try to catch it
Me: what if I miss?
Guy: someone else will try to catch it
Me: you could just say you don’t want to play catch with me dad
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@bylinetd 
@Home_Halfway COP: Freeze!!!
EXCEL: LOL no problem
@eliyudin that show “Intervention” should just be called “Haters”
@Skoog god making serotonin for me
@ShortSleeveSuit [inventing the saxophone] what if you could use a bong to play jazz
@rad_milk women wearing veils at their wedding arent fooling anybody. you invited us to this shit we know its you under there. cut the crap lady
@LoveNLunchmeat Daughter has amputated three dolls in the span of twelve hours. Really hoping our dog is smart enough to stay away from her.
@ndiquote [hits rock bottom]
rock bottom : *calls 911 for being assaulted*
@sarahcpr Ok I’ll bite, what is elon musk
@bombchelle87 How am I supposed to drink responsibly when responsibility is the whole damn reason I drink?