If you’re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
[invention of blue cheese]
“this cheese has gone off”
“but it’s gone mouldy”
I SAID SELL IT!
& double the price
“are u ok?”
You Might Also Like
Teaching my 9yo to sew. She’s going to make a great wife to someone in 1836.
5: Daddy, can we go get ice cream?
Me: I don’t see why not.
5: Mommy said I couldn’t.
M: Hey, there’s the why not.
I’ve noticed a decline in cashier’s asking “Find everything you need?”
[Walking around park with kid]
Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green?
Me: Because God wants to remind me every place I go I have no money
*visits new girlfriend’s house for 1st time*
“Make yourself at home”
*I crawl into the closet and begin sobbing loudly*
a relationship should be 50/50. 50% donkey 50% dragon
ME: [outlining corpse] I need other chalk
CHIEF: Just use white
M: Permission to speak freely
C: Go on
M: How can I draw the hair w/o yellow
Judge: your word is tennis
Judge: please spell it again i lost count
Ladies…when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.