Anaesthetist: Count back from 10
Me: WHY IS THERE MATHS? NO ONE SAID THERE’D BE MATHS
[Invention of the milk shake]
Drunk farmer: hey lets milk the cows on a rollercoaster
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Me: HYPOTHETICALLY, what happens to people who drink on their lunch breaks?
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me: hey, cute dog, what’s his name
guy w/ dog: Robert
me: [grabs him by shirt] wtf is wrong with you
Yaba daba do not resuscitate
3 (calls out): daddy I’m cleaning the floor with a mob.
Me: you mean a mop? (enters to see 100 people licking the floor) no ok that’s a mob
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over
Me: Idk, but could you move this along? I’ve had too much to drink and I really need to pee.