Dad: My head hurts, it feels like wrongdad.
Son: What’s wrongdad?
Dad: I told you, my head hurts.
Son: This is why mom left.
(Invention of the necktie)
I can’t figure out how to tie this silk noose. Looks like I’ll have to go to the dinner party after all.
You Might Also Like
me when i see my girls butt
“What should we call ourselves?”
How about 22 pilots?
“Idk. Seems like an awful lot of pilots”
Watching a Kristin Stewart movie. She’s being CHASED by ppl who want her DEAD. The CHEESE STICK I’m holding has a more frightened expression
It’s that time between Christmas and New Years when the fridge is still packed but with random Christmas items so get ready for a casserole of figs, garlic stuffed olives, pineapple jam, and King’s Hawaiian rolls.
Producer: Um what’re you guys doing?
Singer: Ending the song
Producer: You don’t have to fade out. We’ll do that in here.
Very irritated daughter stomping all over the porch…
Me: What’s the problem?
Her: Dad asked me to bring him a Phillips screwdriver AND ALL WE HAVE ARE STANLEYS!!!!
“Then, the handsome prince sees her dead body laying there and has to kiss her.”
“Trust me, the kids will love it.”
I’m the Cinderella of finding one shoe at a sale and not finding the other and losing my own along the way.
Water Polo is one shark away from being the most entertaining sport around