I love the smell of cut grass and the sound of unknown footsteps in my attic.
[invention of wine]
guy: i squished some grapes then let the juice sit for a couple years
guy: to drink it, obviously
friend: are u okay
You Might Also Like
A ninja turdle is when you poop really fast.
Pro tip: don’t do anything to entertain a toddler that you wouldn’t be comfortable doing 1,000,000 more times
I’m just like Bob Marley but not black or Jamaican or talented or dead but my hair gets tangly .
[commercial for Facebook]
*man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars*
“Don’t you wish there were a better way?”
the hulk is green because he’s not ripe yet
Signs you’re a full fledged adult:
• You choose restaurants based on the availability of parking
• You pay attention to the weather now
• You have at least one mole you’re keeping an eye on
• You have a favorite stove burner
• You don’t give af what’s “cool” anymore
So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said “I have a boyfriend” ok lettuce head
Before airplanes were invented, it took approximately a week to feed babies because the parents had to walk the spoon into their mouths.
The problem with thieves is that they take things literally.