If the camera adds 10 lbs. & Mirrors don’t lie..Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror? It defies logic
Inventor: It’s a jackhammer.
Investors: This is groundbreaking.
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Ooo! The morning weather girl…
Come on baby, give daddy the five day forecast.
I believe that growing up watching Porky Pig cartoons have contributed to my lack of pants.
“My parents refuse to photoshop me onto an athlete so I can get into college” #SpoiledKidsComplaints
[posing for mugshot]
“now turn forward”
I’m like a Rubik’s Cube. Seems fun at first but eventually you’ll want to rip me apart.
I don’t see enough dead people.
-All children are named Logan
-The most recent president is a ferret who came in 2nd on the Amazing Race.
-Betty White is still alive
My husband grabbed a lightsaber and challenged our daughter to a battle. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.
Me: Hello darkness my old friend
Darkness: please stop calling me that. My name is Susan