@capnwatsisname

INVENTOR OF CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER: *stops smashing peanuts* Well that’s enough of that I think

You Might Also Like

@KatrinaGibson13

Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone’s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.

@Bunnydurden

Hugs not drugs. Except, yes drugs and why are you touching me?

@ericsshadow

My wife Googled “how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter” and now she won’t let me stay home alone.

@Bunnydurden

Hey Paul Ryan, why don’t you save some first names for the rest of us.

@funflaps

[sequel to Thor Ragnarok]

ME: *buying tickets for me and 3 friends* Four for Thor 4 at 4:44, por favor

CINEMA GUY: *for the 6th time this week* Please stop doing this

@SvnSxty

*august*

y’all need jesus

*christmas ads start*

not like that

@clichedout

robbed a bank just to hear someone call me a person of interest