@jonnysun: INVENTOR OF SOUP: [holding water in one hand and sandwich in the other] wat if… wat if water was mor like sandwich
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@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.
@Darlainky: I thought the best thing about adulthood would be the ability to buy as much Dr Pepper gum as I wanted. It’s been discontinued and packs now sell for $50 on eBay. You win again, life.
@sara_ashlynn: My daughter said, "You're the best mommy ever!" I'm really proud that she's learning sarcasm at such a young age.
@joeljeffrey: If I was a sniper, I'd probably spend most of my time looking for cats and making them chase my rifle laser pointer from 2 miles away.