@LurkAtHomeMom: Called Comcast to see about dropping my service and long story short, If anyone wants to watch Showtime, call me on one of my 36 landlines.

@Browtweaten: Schröedinger: And so it is impossible to determine whether the cat is alive or dead Possum: *yelling from the back of the room* AMATEUR

@Tharin_P: Brain: he must study-how? *Hormones raise hand* H: we could hit him with pimples, kill the social life? B: *whispers* It's for his own good.

@anerdonfire2: It's perfectly acceptable to hate someone who brags about how much sleep they get

@QwertyJones3: [FBI job interview] "Do you have any self defense training?" *flashback to hiding behind fence from teenagers* Yes I'm skilled at fencing.