Next time my 5 y/o says “Daddy, guess what?”, I’m going to refuse to let her continue until I can actually guess, even if it takes 7 years.
Ironically, I hate people who say “like us on Facebook”.
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Kidnapping is such a strong word. I prefer the term, “surprise adoption”.
*checks the hip hop section*
Nope. No one named Velocirapper yet.
So, we tip the pizza delivery guy, but not ambulance drivers.
Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.
Me: I don’t feel like driving home.
5: I’ll drive.
Me: You’re not old enough yet.
5: and my feet won’t reach the pedals.
Me: And that.
Just remembered that time on here that a British person complained about how all other countries have an independence day and the United Kingdom doesn’t
I’ve always loved Batman cause I also blame my entire personality on my parents.
pixar ceo: remember guys, we work as a team. there is no “i” in pixar
employee: yes there is
pixar ceo: no there isn’t
employee: *writes the word Pixar on a piece of paper and hands it to the ceo*
pixar ceo: Oh my god.
pixar ceo: murder it with a lamp
Kids these days can’t do shit without #Google. When I was a kid I didn’t have Google. So, I pretty much couldn’t do shit.