Ended a relationship today. Don’t worry, it wasn’t mine.
Is a fake boyfriend a placebeau?
You Might Also Like
It’s “aisle” not “isle.” If someone’s on the “alcohol isle” that means they’re in Jamaica, not at the grocery store.
I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said “WHERE ?”
*Puts air guitar back in air case* “Listen if you wanted a “real guitarist” maybe you should put that in the ad!”
Interviewer: What can you bring to the Lego creative team?
God: I’m God. I’ve created a lot of things.
Angel: *whispers* Show him the platypus.
Me: Are you ready for your spelling test?
6-year-old: I know all the words.
6: Just not all the letters in them.
Walked into my home office to participate as an attorney in a Zoom hearing, and my cat was on the desk staring at the prosecutor on the Zoom screen.
THAT’S WHY YOU JOIN WITHOUT VIDEO, PEOPLE.
uber driver picked me up “dodger stadium? you goin to the game?” i was like “nah” and we both sat there in silence for the whole ride, both knowing i had lied
It’s not burnt.
Me every time I burn something.
My toddler is learning to speak so I’m trying to teach him some phrases for social success.
Things like “true dat” and “pass the gravy.”