@YourMomsucksTho: Is it really too much to ask for a pregnancy test commercial where the lady sees the two lines and starts laugh crying and the guy shits his pants?
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@Dan_Haak: [Dog Court] Judge: How do you find the defendant? Jury: We find the defendant, not a good boy. *dogs family in courtroom begins to cry*
@vineyille: "Hey what's today's date?" Neil deGrasse Tyson: You mean on the cosmic calendar? "No Neil, not on the goddamn cosmic calendar."
@TheBoydP: The only thing worse than getting caught sneaking alcohol into the house by your wife is being called amateur by your teen son.