@unravelingfire: Is it weird to think about mac and cheese during sex?
Ma'am, I just tear the movie tickets. But yes, it's weird.
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@fairycakes: A man tried to get a refund on a Tom and Jerry boxset because the storylines were “repetitive”
@UncleDuke1969: “Do you know why I pulled you over?” “Was I speeding?” “No. Because you have a pony tail.” “I don’t understand.” “Sir, you’re over 40.”
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Sir... I know, I know. Why is my dog dri- Cop: WHY IS YOUR DOG DRIVING I threw the ball too far during fetch Cop: Fair enough
@ArfMeasures: LEADER: Welcome to Sarcasm Club ME: I thought this was Gullible Club L: No..but we're all SO happy you're here M: That's so nice thanks!
@MeDistracting: The 80s gave me the unrealistic expectation that I would eventually see a mannequin come to life.
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