@IamEnidColeslaw

is Kristen Stewart a Vulcan

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@SaraMansford

{Text}

Me: Come home soon baby, I’m dressed like Leia..

Him: So turned on, I am..

Me: If you show up dressed like Yoda it’s not happening

@jwoodham

Asking someone out is so unpredictable. You never know exactly how they’re going to say no.

@minkahunter

once when I was at work I missed like 30 calls from my boyfriend & a text saying it was an emergency.

when I called him back the emergency was that fraiser’s son was goth in the episode he had just watched.

@SardonicTart

[Job Interview]

How would you describe your time management skills?

Me: Can we talk about this later? I’m late for an appointment.

@effinghandbook

Just once, I would love to look my kid in the eyes when he gives me a picture he spent a long time coloring, and have the nerve to say, “could you make me another one…that’s not what I wanted,” just so he can get a sense of what it feels like to make him dinner every night.

@TrainedHedonist

Car trouble, miss? Allow me to squint, and posture heroically while staring at your labyrinthine engine as panic cascades through my spine.

@WhaJoTalkinBout

*clicks open my pocket watch with a glance before snapping it shut* as suspected I still cannot tell time

@WelBeast

“I don’t want to disappoint you”

First of all, I support Arsenal