Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Is the female equivalent of a douchebag a douchebaguette?
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*I stride in, straddle a chair:
Yo Guys. Listen up
Boss: Turn around Frank. We can’t hear you when you’re facing the wall
I’m going to adopt a tapeworm. Perfect pet, cheap to feed, doesn’t pee, bark, chew stuff or sit on your head. Best bit, it makes you skinny.
Side Effects May Include: upset stomach, diarrhea, a tail, some hooves, ok so you might turn into a horse
Everything is terrible but my son just texted me these beagulls.
Bill: we’ll call it BILLOSOPHY
Phil [pulling out briefcase and assembling gun]: Good idea! Steal my board idea now this? Not again
Cop: *into walkie talkie* we have a wreck on highway 15
Me: look I know I’m a wreck
Cop: you’ve been wearing those sweatpants for 4 days
cop: also you hit 26 cars
I don’t understand what you mean by ‘stop drinking so much’. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?
“how about an animal that looks like a cross between a horse and a barcode” – creator of zebras
Does anyone know any herbal remedies for worthlessness?