@weinerdog4life: Is there a class for just the karate noises?
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@phxguy88: The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it. Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?
@thepunningman: "So how are the anger management classes?" We have to crochet stuff when we get mad "Sounds stupid" [I furiously make a beautiful cardigan]
@NewDadNotes: Wife: pick a Christmas movie to watch. Me: Lord of the Rings. Wife: that’s not a Christmas movie. Me: then why does it have elves? Wife: Me: plus Gandalf looks like Low Carb Santa.
@Brampersandon_: I was pretty nervous doing stand-up in front of a bunch of nudists but then I imagined the crowd in their underwear and it helped so much.