@chelseyhotel

Is there a term yet for the now-rampant stores with
-tiny succulents
-$300 sack dresses
-ceramics with boobs on them
-macrame
-palo santo sticks
-geometric gold earrings
-letterpress cards
-at least 3 items w/questionable arrow/feather/tipi imagery
I’m ready to make a bingo card

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@Havish_AF

If your dress suddenly turns into rags at midnight while you’re being driven home by a bunch of mice on a pumpkin, you’re not Cinderella, you’re drunk.

@maughammom

My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don’t know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it’s not.

@jimmy_sharpe

Sometimes you’ve got to ask yourself: ‘Why am I talking to myself?’

@Divergentmama

“In this household, there are parents trying to get their kids out of the house in the morning. These are their stories.”

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@KKAlThani

LISTEN LADY IF YOU DIDN’T WANT ME SITTING ON YOUR BABY YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE CALLED ASKING FOR A BABYSITTER

@SarcasticCharm

Please pray for my friends’ 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn’t photographed or documented on Facebook today.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

I’ve seen or heard about Batman’s parents’ death so many times I feel like an accessory to murder for not going to the authorities.

@PopSlapFunk

Lucy plans elaborate jewel heist.

Lucy dons cat burglar suit to conceal identity.

Lucy pulls off heist.

Lucy in disguise with diamonds.

@foodandwhining

People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.