When Sting dies I’m calling him Stung.
Is there a term yet for the now-rampant stores with
-$300 sack dresses
-ceramics with boobs on them
-palo santo sticks
-geometric gold earrings
-at least 3 items w/questionable arrow/feather/tipi imagery
I’m ready to make a bingo card
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If your dress suddenly turns into rags at midnight while you’re being driven home by a bunch of mice on a pumpkin, you’re not Cinderella, you’re drunk.
My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don’t know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it’s not.
Sometimes you’ve got to ask yourself: ‘Why am I talking to myself?’
“In this household, there are parents trying to get their kids out of the house in the morning. These are their stories.”
Law and Order: Missing Shoe
LISTEN LADY IF YOU DIDN’T WANT ME SITTING ON YOUR BABY YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE CALLED ASKING FOR A BABYSITTER
Please pray for my friends’ 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn’t photographed or documented on Facebook today.
I’ve seen or heard about Batman’s parents’ death so many times I feel like an accessory to murder for not going to the authorities.
Lucy plans elaborate jewel heist.
Lucy dons cat burglar suit to conceal identity.
Lucy pulls off heist.
Lucy in disguise with diamonds.
People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.