@thatUPSdude

Is there gangs where they just go to buffets? I can join that type of gang.

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@ClichedOut

They say 1 out of every 5 humans is Chinese.

Out of me and my 4 siblings, I’m pretty sure it’s either Carl or Liu Yang.

@ShortSleeveSuit

ME: where ya headed after Denver

PILOT: flying into Boulder

ME: omg *whispers* I need to warn the others

@PaperWash

My cover letter is just a picture of me in a sleeveless turtleneck karate chopping the word ‘unemployment’.

@Home_Halfway

WHAT DO WE WANT?!
Follow-up questions!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
OH HELL YEAH THAT’S THE STUFF

@girlziplocked

If your job is so “essential” that you can’t get off for a killer global pandemic, you deserve $15 an hour and a union.

@mom_ontherocks

9: Can I rent an otter?

Me: Uh, I haven’t had my second cup of coffee yet I can’t do this conversation right now

@thatdutchperson

They say that wherever you travel becomes a part of you. So I’m pretty sure I’m 98% living room.

@itshotterhere

Never trust someone who says you’re more important than cheese. It’s an obvious lie.