@ReginaldDennys
Quickest way to get over someone? 4 wheel drive
@brennadine
Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse, because I can change.
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@ReginaldDennys
@Donna_McCoy
I make sure my husband thinks about me during the workday by packing him a sandwich that also falls apart for no reason.
@Bob_Janke
I fit into my fat clothes again thank god I didn’t throw them away
@GashleyMadison
[Screams into a dark wishing well]
“I want my coins back!”
@GibJimson
Being the tallest person at work, leads me to believe they hired me because they were short staffed.
@Man_wonders
Group- “Can believe Jesus just turned water into wine?!”
Me- *cutting up lines of table salt* “hey um, Jesus… soo can you do me a favor?”
@SarcasticAlly12
When friends or family ask me if I’m going to have another baby, I just gesture at the chaos of my life and yell, “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?”
@Rollmaninoz
They say dress for the job you want not the job you have so I’m wearing no pants. Boss seems angry tho. She must know I’m looking elsewhere.
@Dawn_M_
Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
@ThaJawn
Interviewer: What’s your greatest strength?
Me: I’m hyper observant
Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard
Me: Oh..