@pixelatedboat: Is there something I can hang around my neck to show that I'm a big fan of crucifixions?
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@TheBoydP: Ever notice how drunken late night snacks are the most creative? Long story short, last night's Kung Pao Cheerios were rather tasty.
@PaperWash: HAHA! Answer your phone silly. I called you like 18 times. -I say as I climb through your window
@WheelTod: Open-heart surgery is much simpler than most people realize. The key is not to get hung up on whether or not the patient survives.
@Rollinintheseat: [High school reunion] Person: "I don't remember you." Me: *starts crying* Person: "Now I remember you."