Is there such a thing as “Spirit Furniture”? I think I’ve found mine…

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If you watch Scooby-Doo backwards its about some kids helping a business owner enter a costume contest then minding their own business.


[Bee diary]
Day one: met a really cute queen bee
Day two: queen bee is now my gf
Day three: my gf cheated on me with my 40,000 roommates


I’ve done 10 sit-ups today, I can’t take much more of this ab use.


*hears noise downstairs
*wakes up husband so he can go get murdered first


Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.


Don’t make me mad or so help me, I will become the 70th like on all of your future tweets.


My worst case scenarios:

•A case falling on me.
•Being hit with a case.
•Being locked inside a case.
•Carrying a case for a long distance.


Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella.