If I was a marriage counselor, I’d just make the couple log on to any dating app for 2 min.
Is there such a thing as spontaneous feline combustion? Anyway, baking soda and vinegar are terrible for cats.
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Got a cut on my arm, someone on Facebook sent me healing vibes and PRESTO! two weeks later the cut fully healed this is not a joke people
Find a man who pays attention to what you say as much as Google ads does
Airport security: no liquids on the plane
Me: ok *starts drinking it*
Airport security: people usually just throw away the shampoo
*buys almond milk*
“I’m gonna get healthy!”
*drinks almond milk*
“This is gross.”
*pours Hershey’s chocolate syrup in milk*
Eh wah eh wah eh wah eh wah joget joget joget joget joget gelek gelek gelek gelek gelek gelek lembek lembek lembek embek lembek lembek
I guess I shouldn’t have had 3 cookies… Now, I’m being judged.
the h in university stands for happiness
Dear plastic wrap,
I wish you’d cling to something other than yourself.