Man Hoping People Notice How Many Folding Chairs He’s Carrying At Once
“Is this InkJet any good?”
“Sure – we’ve sold it to royalty”
“Mate, it prints ALL the letters”
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I like making babies… Unsuccessfully, of course.
Looks like my wife snuck a love note into my pocket which is pretty cute, although I don’t know what “DNR” means.
“You do realize it’s a crime to lie in court, right?”
*I think for a moment and then move my hands closer together*
Hulu coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.
*coworker stares at me as I unpack lunch*
Me: I’m never bringing a banana to work again, okay Todd!?!?
I’m sure a spider is never scrutinized for spending too much time on the web.
So, my parents did NOT appreciate their Yelp review.
After every one of Benedict Cumberbatch’s lines in DR. STRANGE, turn to your neighbor & say “I guess that’s why they call him Dr. Strange”
My toddler begged to go swimming and then threw a tantrum because she didn’t want to get wet in case you were on the fence about having kids