Jobs: You Need To Have Your BA
Jobs: you need 5yrs experience
Jobs: You need a MA
Jobs: we need some1 young
Isaac Newton was the pride of the family until his great great grandson Fig was born.
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So are we just going to ignore the fact that all adults have a favorite stovetop burner & no one talks about it
Me: I am not wearing pants today.
I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT ANYTHING. YOU ARE EVIL. I don’t want to go in the swing!! NOOOOooooo…. okay. yeah. This works. I’ll hang here. – Baby
Had day surgery – came out with about fifteen less followers than when I went in with.
So apparently I’m offensive even when unconscious.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
I slept like shit.
– how adults say “good morning”
If Apple ever made a car they would probably have oddly sized/shaped cup holders just so people would buy their custom drink containers.
husband: I am beat
wife: you’re the one who wanted to be in construction. I should’ve married a doctor
husband: yeah but *flexing* can a doctor lift 5,000 times his body weight?
wife: WE ALL CAN, GARY
‘Pizza Hut, can I take your order?’
Me: ‘May I speak with the owl, please?’
Me: ‘Hahaha, that never gets old! Large pepperoni.’