I think it would be totes adorbz if I throat punched you the next time you say ‘totes adorbz’
It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you’ll become royalty and have a great life.
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Harry: Want to see a magic trick?
Voldemort: Let’s see what you got Potter.
Harry: Got your nose!
Voldemort: You know I hate that game.
What the hell, Chris?
You never really know if you’re out of invisible ink
aliens took me up to on their ship but i have no time for that drama so i just jumped out
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they’re not talking to you anymore
Congratulations on being hired by Super Cuts & welcome to day 1 training.
Let’s get started
These are called scissors
me: 1985 was a great year
friend: you weren’t even born yet
Him: Will you marry me?
Me: *sprays him in the face with silly string*
My FitBit app says I sleep walked 20 steps last night, glad I was asleep during all that damn exercise.