It costs nothing to be kind. But then again, it costs nothing to be a sociopath. So you see my dilemma.
You Might Also Like
Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she’s not a “clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend” through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM
I don’t hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.
Ours was an impossible friendship. You were a squirrel with no identifiable markings and I could never be sure if you were you.
GUYS THE TEQUILA KARAOKE GUY MADE IT TO AMERICA’S GOT TALENT AND ACTUALLY GOT FOUR YESES IM CRYING
Who knew a midlife crisis could have so few convertibles and so many cats?
[on first date]
I’ll have an iced tea, please.
Waiter: Sure. Ummm…anything for the balloon with a woman’s face drawn on it?
me: I’d wait a lifetime for you
also me: 5 seconds till I can skip the add ? that’s some bullshit right there
Flight attendant: The pilot has had a heart attack! So who can fly the plane??
Me: omg *nudges wife* I love riddles
Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.