It happened. I witnessed the most Philly thing ever.
A fight broke out DURING a showing of the Mister Rogers movie.

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Them: Awwww, congrats! Are you about 6 months along?

Me: Nah, just ate a burrito supreme.



Friend: Wanna go out and watch the game? We can get some food maybe.

Me: You had me at “get drunk.”

Friend: I didn’t say that.

Me: It’s a no from me.


HIM: My new girlfriend’s name is “Bella”. That means “Beautiful” in Italian.

ME: It also means “War” in Latin…so good luck with that.


The “quarantine 15” refers to the 15 pounds people have gained since the quarantine started.

I’m well into my third quarantine then.


This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.


I heard somebody refer to “The Shape of Water” as “Grinding Nemo” and I’m never going to get over it.