8:00 AM: Too tired to think
Noon: Too tired to think
5:00 PM: Too tired to think
Midnight: How do dragons blow out candles??
IT: I’m hanging up
Me: is it because I called it my lappy tappy
IT: *dial tone*
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Ok parents who have really clean houses, do you have outdoor pets and outdoor kids? How does this work?
‘You probably have to pee soon, huh?’
~ The monster under my bed
If fire shoots out of the chimney the Papal Conclave has selected a new drummer for Slayer.
Pinterest could’ve been an amazing dating site. If the project ideas came with men to do them, there wouldn’t be a single cat lady left.
Paranormal Activity, but the demon that drags us out of bed is called “work”
remember if you’re not helping cook be sure to ask (in a half hearted fashion) if they need any assistance and leave the room before they answer
Me: Okay, bed time.
Brain: I’m with you, man. I’m tired.
Nose: GUYS I LEARNED HOW TO WHISTLE “PATIENCE” BY GUNS N’ ROSES!
if your body is a temple then mine is a haunted house on Scooby Doo