It is 2022. Everyone has bought a pair of beats by dre. Doctor dre chuckles, his mind control device is ready

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*Sees girl trying to reach soup on top shelf*
“Here let me get that” I say [Beacuse I’m much taller]
*I put the soup in my cart & walk away*


8 year old me: bye dad gonna go meet melissa and throw lawn darts at each other

dad: WAIT


dad: don’t forget to take a jacket


Sorry I turned my welcome mat the other way when you came over.


Will you marry me?
‘Is a marriage proposal’

Will, you, Mary, me?
‘A foursome inquiry’


ALEX TREBEK: it says here that you are on jeopardy
ME: correct
AT: this can’t be your fun fact
ME: *whispers* i don’t have anything else ok


*on phone*

He: so where is this going, babe?

Me: *dumps pop rocks into mouth* I can’t hear you…reception’s bad!!


I’ve done all the cleaning and ironing but I’ve forgot why I broke into this house in the first place.