
maybe its the cursed amulet talking, but [thousands of locusts fly from my mouth and form a living treasure map on the ceiling]
maybe its the cursed amulet talking, but [thousands of locusts fly from my mouth and form a living treasure map on the ceiling]
I bet every time Beyoncé leaves a restaurant everyone fights over who gets to smell her chair
RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Praying for telemarketers to call so I can experience human contact as I slowly dissolve into dust
For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, cause that’s one of his fantasies: That we have health care.
Harry Potter Hair Evolution
I ate so much bread yesterday, I checked Web MD to make sure that I couldn’t end up with a yeast infection.
we’re in Quarantine so the government can change the batteries in all the Birds. you ever seen a baby pigeon ? didnt think so
rt if you’d call your friend just to tell them that potatoes came to japan in 1600
WHO SAID “YOU GOTTA KEEP EM SEPARATED”
A) Gov. George Wallace
B) The Offspring
C) My mom teaching me to do laundry
D) All of the above
In the middle of a GOP debate, Scooby and the gang suddenly rush the stage. They wrestle Trump to the ground, struggling to remove his face.