I have watched this 30 times already since I discovered it under two minutes ago.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim
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There was a fire at the Yankee Candle store. 8 killed. 19 injured. 1200 soothed.
I usually tell my toddler it’s nap time an 1hr before it’s nap time just so she thinks she’s winning at the I do one more thing game.
INTERVIEWER: What’s your best strength?
ME: I’m very self-lubricated
INT: You mean self-motivated?
ME: *slides out of the office* Nooooooooooo
ADVERT: Have you been involved in an accident at work…
*looks up from hospital bed*
ADVERT: …that wasn’t your fault…
Judge 1: this is disgusting
Judge 2: the chicken is raw
Judge 3: why are there froot loops
[the rat under my hat starts biting me]
My spirit animal died of neglect.
Mr. Miyagi: It’s simple Daniel san, wax on, wax off
Daniel: Yeah, but your back hair, bro?
don’t smoke pots because they are made of clay and can burn your tongue
Mafia boss: hurry up and tape his mouth!
Me: *still trying to find the end of the tape on the roll*