*leads horse to water*
“You’re not gonna drink, are you?”
“It’s The Fountain of Eternal Youth.”
Horse: You’re not foaling me.
It just seems crazy that the final apocalypse could be started by a guy who says “You’re fired” every time he launches a nuke.
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My mother was, let’s just say, not perfect. She’d routinely leave my little sister and I in the van for hours while she gambled. And even though we were patched-in to the casino security cameras and feeding her info through an earpiece, she still managed to blow hand after hand.
coworker: how was your weekend?
me: sucked, I had to move
coworker: you sold your house?
me: no, my wife made me get off the couch
When I’m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they’re safe
Probably just poor graphic design…
Still not gonna drink from it.
I have an irrational fear that I’m accidentally making up words. I don’t want to be misunderstandable.
For the record, laughter does absolutely nothing to help diarrhea.
Mommy! I cleaned my room. Come see!
*walks past big pile of toys and books in the hallway*
“Great job, sweetie!”
before quarantine vs after quarantine