It still hurts that my parents never came to any of my violin recitals. I never bought their flimsy excuses, like “You’ve never had any lessons” and “You don’t even have a violin” and “That’s a banjo and a stick.”

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roses r red

violets r blue

sunflowers r yellow

i bet u were expecting someting romantic but no this is just gardening facts


Women to the left of me
Women to the right of me
That’s when I realized I was in the wrong bathroom


I know it’s illegal to launder money, so I’ve decided to stop doing laundry entirely. Just to be on the safe side.


Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there.


When apologizing, it’s important to not let them see your fingers are crossed. I know that now.


STATUS: Using the flashlight on my phone to look for the keys that are in my hand so I can open my car cuz I think I left my phone in there.


Why no, Google Maps, I don’t want to save 4 minutes on my trip by driving through the Mines of Moria, but thank you very much for asking.