ME: holy shit is that the pope?!
HER [tugging on my arm]: sit down that’s the bride
It takes a village to raise a child so I dropped the kids off at my neighbors house with a note: “your turn”
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The real slim shady: [sitting in a bean bag] oh no
[walking through park with date]
Did u know there’s more vitamin C in pine needles than in an orange
[blood is just pouring from my mouth]
E-incense to mask e-joint e-odor.
“Members of the jury, how do u find the defendant?”
“we… can’t find him at all”
“DAMMIT THIS IS THE 3RD MURDER WALDO HAS GOTTEN AWAY WITH”
Everyone on this website is always like, “Eat the rich,” but then Carol Baskin feeds her millionaire husband to a tiger and it’s a problem, hypocrites
one time i had sex while watching zootopia for the first time and she got mad because i kept looking at the movie lmaooooo… it’s a good movie smh
I have this fantasy that all lights go out in the world when I’m at the grocery store. While everyone panics, I grab a head of broccoli, stab the base with a carrot, and light it like a torch.
Look, I never said I was any good at fantasy, you guys.
I wish people would move over a bit in their selfies. We’re redecorating a bathroom and looking for ideas.
on earth: a magiciam puts his hand in his hat
in the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. it is time. the rabit council must chose a sacrifice