And Grandmother, what big thighs you have!
*Wolf just starts crying*
It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I’ll consider this my workout for the day
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*Smashes the Sony
*Destroys the Panasonic
*Pummels the Kenwood
*Rips apart the Pioneer
~breaking all stereotypes
Jehovah’s Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies …
Eric Trump said the Syria strike was swayed by a “heartbroken” Ivanka. He also pouted that dad has never bombed a country for him.
Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying “keys” in case I thought they were llamas.
Once, just once in my life, I’d love a guy to grab me, pull me in close and whisper
I’m hunting wabbits.
“I think this ice cream is spoiled.”
*me drunk, eating mayonnaise*
I have no idea what she’s talking about.
Ice skating is like walking in cursive
My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn’t destroy my phone